


Two Pair of Lips, Apocalypse

by AnonEhouse



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2015-05-12
Packaged: 2018-03-30 04:21:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3922699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rare pairings are dangerous! Yes, but HOW dangerous? More than you know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Pair of Lips, Apocalypse

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

"You're alive!" Pepper stepped forward over the rubble of the latest disaster caused by Tony's inherent trouble-magnet, while blessing her incredibly strong ankles. Her Manolo Blahnik's were battered, but unbowed. "Phil, my god, you're alive!"

"Ah, yes," Phil Coulson replied. 

Tony was being carried bridal style by Steve, having proved that his skull wasn't actually made of iron now that he no longer wore gold-titanium overalls. "Furry's a slyer," Tony garbled, nodded vigorously, and then said, "Ow."

"The director didn't exactly lie," Coulson said, while warily eying the remaining intact walls in case something else would decide to smash through them. There were perfectly good doors all around, but everyone wanted to play Kool-Aid Man. "I was really most sincerely dead."

"I recognize that reference, " Steve said cheerfully. He carried Tony tenderly over to a mostly intact sofa and laid him down and began fussing over him.

"Ow, don't, it hurts," Tony protested.

"Well, goddamn it, Tony, where doesn't it hurt?" Steve asked.

Tony smiled up at Steve beatifically. "I reference that recognition. Here," he said, pointing to his elbow. Steve grinned and kissed it.

Pepper rolled her eyes as Steve and Tony continued playing the roles of Indy and Marion. Coulson walked over to her. "You don't mind?" he asked, carefully averting his eyes as Tony ad-libbed parts of anatomy that weren't mentioned in 'Raiders'.

"Of course not. Tony and I never really got together." She wrinkled her nose. "I was always too busy putting out his fires, and then after Extremis, he was too busy putting out _mine_. Steve's perfect for Tony."

Coulson nodded. "Ah, the way Natasha and Clint are perfect for each other." He moved even closer to Pepper.

"And Thor and Jane. Honestly, some people were just fated to get together. It's like a universal law." Pepper was looking at Coulson's mouth. "So, you were dead."

"I got better."

Pepper's lips quirked upward. "All right, when the Princess Bride gets into it, things are becoming serious. No, really, dead?"

"It was... actually, being dead was the best part. I'm, I shouldn't really say."

"Classified?" Pepper tilted her head.

Coulson nodded.

"By whom? Fury, the former head of the Hydra infiltrated organization that tried to murder a few million people? The man who ordered everyone else's secrets thrown into the wind? Him?"

"When you put it that way, it doesn't seem very important." Coulson moved even closer. Pepper's eyes were glowing faintly orange. Coulson's eyes were glowing faintly blue. "I was injected with a drug created from the blood of a dead alien. It was not without unforeseen negative side-effects."

"Oh, poor Phil." Pepper moved even closer. 

"I'm perfectly all right now," Coulson said, putting his arms around her. Their eyes met. And then their lips.

The whole tower began doing the rhumba. The air was full of angry butterflies. The smell of artificial banana pudding dripped from the ceiling. Jarvis shouted, "Warning, Warning, Warning! Imminent destruction of the entire universe! In fact, thirty three universes!"

Tony fell off the couch, but was unhurt because he landed on Steve's abs, and bounced. "Universe means ONE! My math is never wrong."

Coulson and Pepper kept kissing. They were now wrapped in blue and orange swirls and floating above the rubble. Pepper had one foot up in the classic girl getting kissed pose. So did Coulson.

Jarvis clarified. "It is a SECRET WAR! Continuity will be erased! It will be as if those universes never were!"

"We must stop this!" Steve said. "Ms. Potts, Agent Coulson, you must separate!"

Pepper flipped Steve off without looking at him.

"ASSEMBLE!" Steve shouted. The rest of the Avengers, and their significant others and some less significant others, rushed into the room and looked up at Coulson and Pepper, who were floating even higher, and now slowly circling under flashing disco lights while continuing to kiss like there was no tomorrow. Which, if Jarvis was right, there wouldn't be. 

"If Pepper and Phil keep at it," Tony said, "it will be very bad. Dogs and Cats living together bad. But, on the other hand they make a cute couple. Plus, I'm pretty sure they could kick all our asses," he added, seeing orange and blue flames flickering around the disco lights.

Darcy picked up her laptop and sat down on a relatively level piece of floor. "I've got this, guys." She got on the internet and started typing. "Thirty three universes, right." She cracked her knuckles. "JARVIS, send the details of those universes to all the prompt communities." She began glowing white, white hot. "You want to see godlike powers? Nobody destroys a fan's universes. Nobody. Any special requests?"

Thor smiled. "Could I have smorgasbord as a favorite food instead of Pop-tarts?"

"You've got it, big guy." Darcy kept typing. Those thirty-three universes would not die.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this Avengerkink [ Prompt](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/11264.html?thread=26922752#t26922752)
> 
> Plus the news I read that Marvel comics is planning to end 33 titles/universes, with their Secret Wars business.
> 
> Plus the fact that I did once dare to rarepair two characters a reader felt was Not Allowed. Their reaction was scarily hostile.
> 
> OH! There was already a fill to this! It's at the prompt and it's EXCELLENT. Much better than mine. :^)  
> You can find the other fill- [ 'The Superstar Apocalypse'](http://archiveofourown.org/works/567986) on AO3.  
> Since I hadn't read theirs first, I wouldn't call mine 'inspired by' it, but they are both based on the same prompt.


End file.
